There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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