farters have to be the big spoon...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
