Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
