About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
