Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
