I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
