im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
