I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
