I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize