No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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