Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
