I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
