And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
