I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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