honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I am puke
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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