I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
this just has baby written all over it
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
