Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
