me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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