I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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