Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
