my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think my moral compass just broke
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
