did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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