i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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