The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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