I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
