Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize