fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
