it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize