Can Purell be used as lube?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
