if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
