why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
