Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
