You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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