I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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