matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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