D3 body, D1 cock
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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