friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
