I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
