i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
sick fucks of a feather flock together
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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