Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
wanna go halves on a baby?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How naked do you want me to be?
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