He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
