i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
