he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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