I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
