sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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