Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There r osticjed everywhere
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
