Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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