I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
