True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
