So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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