I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
