I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
