All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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