it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
