yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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