somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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