i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
