why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Even my vagina gasped.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
