Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
