yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
