This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
