i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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