some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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