so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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