Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
