Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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